yet i will rejoice in the Lord

Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the field yields no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. God, the LORD is my strength; He makes my feet like the deer's; He makes me tread on my high places.
Habakkuk 3:17-19

The last few months have been really tough. I've really been struggling with trying to stay healthy, which honestly has been a hard physical battle. More than that I've been fighting a spiritual battle... and I've felt like such a failure in my walk with Jesus. The Lord has been showing me that I take a lot of pride in my health, and in my own ability to keep myself healthy. Its become an idol in my heart... valuing health more than I value my Savior...trusting in health food more than I trust in my Jesus. While I totally realize that compared to other people, my suffering with pneumonia (and the after sicknesses that I've had since then) is nothing. But because I've held "being healthy" as such a treasure in my heart, getting sick even with just a flu bug is a big deal. Anyway... as the Lord has stripped me of my health lately, He has shown me that my health is too important to me... that I treasure it too much. Instead of this realization bringing me closer to God it has really driven me further from Him. My heart has become untrusting and bitter at God. I know that God is powerful enough to heal me, but why hasn't he?! Does God love me? I eat all this health food and NEVER eat crappy fast food... doesn't God owe me a healthy body? God must not love me. As my heart has become more and more bitter, I've just became apathetic towards prayer. I've been thinking things like, "God doesn't desire to heal my body, so why should I pray and ask him to? Why should I pray at all?" This is why I feel like a failure. I mean.. where has my faith gone?

Its been two months since I came down with pneumonia and am *still* having some discomfort in my right rib cage. Last week I was on vacation with my husbands family in Hawaii, and the rib pain kind of started back up. I also came down with a sore throat and other cold/flu symptoms, and today I still am trying to fight this illness (I'm enjoying a lovely throat drop as I type... blech!). Anyway, Dave and I both agreed that I should probably email my Doc about my ribs and see what He things. So I emailed the Doctor on Monday and He said that I should come in and get another CT Scan to see if I have any remaining fluid. I'm going in on Thursday morning at 8am for the CT Scan and am really scared. I'm not scared about the scan itself- I've had it done before. What I'm scared of is what they will find... will it be fluid? If so then how will they remove it? Will it be cancer? Will it be curable?

I firmly believe that God has predestined EVERY moment in my life- even down to the pneumonia spore that I breathed into my lungs- God planned that in advance. I'm just praying that God would give me more faith.... extra faith that would help me to trust in Him more. I know that God is bringing me through this physical/spiritual battle in order to bring me closer to him.... and oh how my heart yearns to be closer to Him. My heart says, "You who have made me see many troubles and calamities will revive me again; from the depths of the earth You will bring me up again. You will increase my greatness and comfort me again." (ps. 71:20) And " I will remember the deeds of the LORD; yes, I will remember Your wonders of old. I will ponder all Your work, and meditate on Your mighty deeds." (ps. 77:11-12).

Will you pray with and for me... whoever you are that actually reads this blog of mine.
Please pray...
1. That God will be glorified in me.
2. That God will give me more faith and more of His Spirit.
3. That God would give me His peace.
4. Wisdom for the Doctors.
5. That there would be no/minimal pain.

Thanks friends...

love
j

bright christmas photo shoot

here is a few favs from a mini shoot i did yesterday...

moms birthday

last monday we took my mother in love to the tea house in colombia. here is a few photos from our time there...

pips baby shower

hello friends! here are a few photos from pips tea party baby shower that i hosted today...


















some of you were asking... here is a pic of the quilt that a made for baby E

predestined for adoption: i'm a daughter, not a slave

A few thoughts from our sermon on Sunday...

4 even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love 5 he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, 6 to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. 7 In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, 8 which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight
Ephesians 1:4-8

Knowing and acting as true sons/daughters of God will experience a depth
of relationship with Christ and one another that mere “slaves” will not.

If you know and act as an adopted child of God you will:
1. Be fearless and have powerful Freedom in your life, work and play.
Rom. 8:15
2.You will know you have Full Access to God and pray about everything.
Rom. 8:15
3.You will live out of the abundant wealth of your Future inheritance in Christ.
Rom. 8:19-23
4.You will have a graceful handling of trouble in your life. Heb. 3:11,12
5.You will have the confidence and assurance of Christ’s acceptance.

Have you ever been sitting in church listening to the sermon and feeling like the Pastor is speaking directly to you? Its as if the Pastor got in your mind/heart, and learned what you have been struggling with and decided to preach on that very thing just for you....? Well, that was my experience this week.

I have some very serious false ideas/views of God's character. A.W. Tozer says, “What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us.” I agree with that statement. I think that our view of God effects the way we think about everything else in life... it effects how we live life. So now that I realize that I have been believing lies about God... and I realize how its effected me.... now what? I've lived in these lies for so long... how do I change my way of thinking to the truth? I know its only by the working of the Holy Spirit. John Piper says, " We are utterly dependent on the Spirit to make the promises of God more desirable to us than the promises of sin. And for that vital eye-opening, heart-changing work we pray every day." When those lies are ruling my head and heart, I'm pleading with the Holy Spirit to remind me of who he really is, and begging him to prove my false ideas of him to be wrong. I need him to remind me that he chose me before the foundation of the world... that in love he predestined me for adoption so that I could be his daughter.... and to remind me of the forgiveness and grace that he lavished on me. Most of all, I want to know that no matter how good/amazing/beautiful God's gifts are, that the best gift is the gift of himself.

weary but hopeful...
jess