Thursday, October 7, 2010

hello world

Fear not, little flock, for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom.
Luke 12:32

Hello there world! It has been a while since we have chatted! I have missed this place. Life has in a way seemed really crazy and hard and in the same instance rather mellow. On September 12th I came down with sudden onset Pneumonia... what I mean by that is this: I was sitting in church and all the sudden my chest started hurting (no stuffy nose, coughing or anything like that) and just like that I have pneumonia. The next day I go to the Dr. and she gives me an official diagnosis and sends me home with medication. I wake up Tuesday morning in excruciating pain and so we head to the ER where I spend the next 17 hours. The Doctors start wondering if my pneumonia diagnosis is accurate and so they begin to do some tests. At first they are thinking I might have a kidney stone, kidney infection, hole in my lung... after ruling all of those out they really think that I might have a blood clot in my lung or a rare case of atypical pneumonia. After all of the tests they give me a final diagnosis of atypical pneumonia. Here we are almost a month later and I am STILL recovering. In fact this is really the first week in which I have been able to stay out of bed and go places. So when I say things have been crazy and hard- they have been. And when I say things have been mellow- they have been because in all the crazy hard parts all I've been able to do is lay around.

So in the midst of all this hard, crazy, mellowness God has been doing some construction in my heart. While in the ER I was so disappointed in myself because I felt like I was failing at trusting in God. When I got home, I was disappointed in my lack of trust, in pain, scared that I wasn't healing properly, depressed, lonely, and instead of talking to God about all the thoughts and feelings that were going on in my mind, I tried to distract myself with TV and movies. God wasn't going to let me keep on doing that though so he used my husband to kindly urge me to seek God and listen to God. Thats what I have been trying to do..

Some things that I'm trying to focus on with the help from the Holy Spirit;

-the gospel; Christ's beautiful scandalous death that He died for me
-feeling/experiencing Christ's love
-God delights in doing good to me
- God is a happy God
- I abide in Christ's love by loving others with the same sacrificial love that He loves me with
- how can I love others through hospitality and generous giving?

If you think of me, I'd appreciate prayer for continuing healing of my physical health as well as my spiritual health. God is really doing some serious work in my heart, and I feel like He is preparing me for something great... I dunno what it is yet, but I know its big! Even with all my doubts and questions I know that Jesus is the Christ... He is the Lord of all and the King of my heart and I want Him to be my most valued treasure. Amen!

Saturday I will be shooting my first wedding. I'm a little nervous but mostly excited! I'll be sure to post some of my favorite photos once I'm done editing. As my body is still weak from being sick, please pray that God will give me His strength and energy to get through the day. I'm a little fearful that my body is going to relapse if I push it too hard, so please pray that God will show up in me in a BIG way. I'd appreciate it.

Well, I know this wasn't the most exciting post, but thanks for reading! Thanks for letting me share my heart and a little bit of my life.

grace & peace.


not2brightGRAM said...

I love your heart. Praying for you.

nikaloo said...

Hey, this is Nicole, from Jessica's wedding! I'm so glad that I was able to meet you and get to know you and your husband a bit, though the way it happened was not so fun. The pictures are beautiful! You are an awesome woman of God, and I will definitly be praying for you. I've offically added your blog to my faves. and can't wait to catch up on it, and read anything you add.